I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
