either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
