Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
