It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think a kid would responsible me up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
