Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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