Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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