when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
