it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
