Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
