I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
