she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So squirting runs in the family.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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