I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
