Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
