i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
