i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize