hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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