i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's the barista slut.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
