My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
