I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
