Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
