strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am available for nakedness
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
