Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
