ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
