If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
high people should be assigned attendants
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
