I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
