its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
