Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
