maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
