this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
