It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
