this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
