I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
