Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
