I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You took a bar mat shot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
