Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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