I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
