I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
