my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
