I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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