hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
