I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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