you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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