great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
