All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He passed out mid-signature
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
