whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
