Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
