I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
