yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
