i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I AM VODKA MAN
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
