i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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