so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
