Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
