you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
