Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
