he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
