don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
