You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
