and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
