it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
