they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
