A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We got so high we made milksteak
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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