Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
