Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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